If, as the dubious advertising slogan insists, ITV is “where laughter lives”, presumably it goes out on Monday nights.

Because it was hard to raise so much as a smile as luvvies of the realm Ian McKellen and Derek Jacobi tried far too hard to make their criminally old fashioned pet project, Vicious, funny. And failed.

After weeks of hype that had the PC brigade frothing with excitement we allegedly reached a thoroughly modern milestone when our thespian heroes strutted onto the screen in Britain's first ever sitcom about cohabiting gay men.

Obviously, it's no bad thing that a mainstream channel was courageous enough to push back the boundaries. Not courageous enough to stick with the original title Vicious Old Queens. But nevertheless a bold step forward. Right on.

Sadly, (and I quote) the play's the thing. And this one was rubbish. All we got was Terry And John. A horrible half hour of 1970s style net curtain cosiness in which most of the “comedy” revolved around a never ending succession of unexpected visitors.

“This is outrageous!” boomed Sir Gandalf's caustic character Freddie. “You just don't go about ringing people's door bells.” Tell that to the Will And Grace guy who wrote the script! It's his only trick.

In fairness... there were a few reasonably sharp one-liners delivered with all the deafening volume and OTT posturing Sir Ian and Sir Derek could muster.

But for the most part it was pretty grim outmoded stuff. A bunch of actOORS hamming it up amid the cheap Rising Damp-like nastiness of a tired and unimaginative set.

Must have brought back memories for Frances De La Tour, whose alter ego Violet was assured by Freddie that she wasn't worth raping. Always a great topic for humour.

“Zac Efron,” shrieked Violet. “That's a person right? Or is it a place?” Cue an eruption of canned studio guffawing. God knows why. It doesn't remotely sound like a place.  

Buoyed by the pulling power of two titans of the theatre, episode one of this saga of bitching homosexuals achieved more than respectable ratings of 5.7million.

But if the contemptuous reaction on Twitter was anything to go by the only way is down.

It was clear that the viewers couldn't have cared less that the argumentative couple at the centre of the excruciatingly stilted action were both blokes.

So the only thing the promisingly ground-breaking show needed to do was to be entertaining. What a shame it didn't even come close.

Huge sighs of relief then when this clunking dud limped to its crass conclusion... and we were treated to ITV's second new side-splitter of the evening, The Job Lot...

Which was definitely better than Vicious. In the way that the flu is better than pneumonia.

Friends who toil in the public sector tell me that this caricature-packed tale of job centre fecklessness was alarmingly accurate. Maybe. But it was hardly hilarious.

Instead of creating an awkward cross between Benidorm and The Office, the writers might have been better employed sticking in a few jokes. Any jokes.

Full marks to Russell Tovey and Sarah Hadland for amusing performances that saved the lacklustre production from outright disaster.

But unless The Job Lot seriously raises its game, it's the cast who'll be looking for work.

Meanwhile, over on the Beeb, Ben Elton's woeful The Wright Way made ITV's comic offerings look like Fawlty Towers.

I dunno... you wait ages for a terrible sitcom. And then three come along at once.