Over to The “Learning” Channel... where, as part of our education, we learned that on Planet South Georgia dieting is a doddle.

Not for nothing is tubby teen Jessica nicknamed Chubbs. She needs to drop a few pounds. Around 200 should do the trick.

But was she worried about the arduous flab-fighting ahead? Was she hell!

“Ma mama told me that if you fart 12 to 15 times a day you can lose a lot of weight,” revealed giant Jess. “So ah think ah'm gonna fart a lot.” Good to know.

Welcome to the weird world of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo - a smash hit American import that takes television to a whole new low level.

If reality TV's main mission is to mock the lower orders then this everyday story of backwater hicks is an unmitigated triumph.

Right from the stylish opening credits it was clear that flatulence would be a central theme.

As her nearest and dearest gathered around her, Chubbs' massive mother June – aka Mama - rather spoiled the idyllic scene by thunderously letting rip.

“Ma mama weighs the most because she's fat.” explained seven year-old baby of the clan Alana with impressive understatement.

Fat? When Mama stepped onto the scales, it didn't even register. After some hasty adjustments to the overloaded machine, she turned out to be 309lb. More than 22stone.

She insists she only has three chins. But, in fact, she doesn't have any. Just a precipice cascading vertically from her bottom lip.

In the clapboard home she she shares with her husband Sugar Bear (a human), Mama stacks hundreds of toilet rolls against the walls and prepares her family's favourite meal... pasta drenched in hot ketchup and melted margarine.

Their “breakfast of champions” is vast quantities of cheeseballs. This is a salad free zone.

Just about every moment of this extraordinary series opener was jaw dropping. A window into a parallel yee-hah universe of mud, hogs and roadkill.

At the Redneck Games (“similar to the Olympic Games only with a lot of missing teeth and a lot of butt-crack showing”) Chubbs' younger sister Pumpkin distinguished herself by coming last in the prestigious Pigs Feet Bob contest...

Which involved her plunging her head into a pale of water and pulling out raw trotters with her mouth. Nice.

There were enormous beer guts everywhere. And as for the men...

“Please women of a voluptuous size,” shrieked Mama. “Put some clothes on! All that vijiggle jaggle isn't beautimous. You don't see ma shit hanging out.” Luckily, the strange dialogue was subtitled.

The eponymous Honey Boo Boo is Alana... who has spent most of her brief life losing child beauty pageants. One day she hopes to be Miss America. She stands about as much chance as I do.

But Ms Boo Boo is seriously funny. Her indefatigable youthful confidence is what makes the allegedly controversial show work.

“This is Anna,” she drawled. “My pregnantest sister.”

Entering a little girl into disturbing kiddy cattle markets might not be to most people's taste, but thoroughly unmodern Mama is obviously a loving parent who would do anything for her happy brood.

And while we condescending sophisticates were supposed to be laughing at these deep south simpletons, the problem was they were pretty damned hard to dislike.

“Yeah, we're rednecks!” giggled Alana. “No we're not,” replied Chubbs. “We all have our teeth, don't we?”

In Sugar Bear's case, the answer's no. It's a mystery what he chews all that tobacco with...