I can’t work out whether BBC2’s extraordinary Caravanner Of The Year is the worst programme I’ve ever seen… or the best.

To be brutally honest, I’m leaning towards the former. But I was strangely transfixed. And I’m pretty certain that this sort of compellingly odd television is what the BBC is for.

Hard to imagine a commercial channel getting excited about a bald bloke and his 81 year-old mother racing the beat their rivals in the all-important awning competition.

But there they were, David Bird and plucky octogenarian Gwyneth attaching canvass to caravan with perfect precision and establishing themselves as the early leaders. It’s a family affair. Cool.

Meanwhile, old school traditionalist John proudly paraded his classic 1963 Cheltenham Waterbuck and revealed: “We entered this competition because we don’t think a site full of modern caravans and modern tour cars is that exciting.” Whereas old caravans are thrilling.

What this show desperately needed was a professional host to liven things up a bit. Instead, we got dour Caravan Club chairman Grenville Chamberlain, “motorhome maverick” Andy Harris and a weird woman called Lucy who dresses like a schoolgirl.

In the grand tradition of the Bake Off, our three heroes ploughed their way through a series of Mel & Sue style double-entendres. As did plucky narrator Arabella Weir.

When Dormobile duo Martin and Allison started to pitch camp, Arabella said: “They want to rise to the occasion and impress the judges with their bell tent.” Ooh-er ducky.

Grenville: “We have an erection. You’ve got to make sure it’s rock solid. We’ll give it a bit of a tug to make sure everything’s okay.” Soggy bottoms… eat your heart out.

Meanwhile, Arabella helpfully informed us that Keith and Angela were “the first to get it up.” And, ever the maverick, Andy told giggling veterans Anne and David: “You have the record for the slowest erection.” One hour and 12 minutes, on the off chance you’re interested.

Along the way we learned that the religiously methodical Keith draws up a passenger-jet checklist to be ticked off before every journey. Keith: “English Heritage book?” Angela (with clipboard): “Check.”

And Welsh OAP David colour co-ordinates his underpants. But sadly his wife struggles to follow suit with her knickers.

“You have to roll your underwear and stock them in matching colours,” sighed Anne. “But they’re not big enough because I wear quite flimsy ones.” A serious case of too much information.

Anyway, back to the contest and in the next round it was manoeuvres for the “elite six couples”. How to reverse round a roundabout and past a bale of hay, that sort of dreary thing. “This is going to be really exciting,” boomed Andy, who sets the bar low for excitement.

In fact, the only entertaining thing about it was when “caravanning aristocracy” Grenville mapped out the course and ploughed his caravan straight into the ground, ripping off the back in the process.

“That’s a thousand maybe two,” growled Grenville. “My caravan’s now off the road.” Hilarious. Poor guy.

The funny first half hour was better than the repetitive second. But in the end three triumphant twosomes trundled through to next week’s un-grand finale. Doesn’t really matter who. Although, disappointingly, Dave and his mum didn’t make the grade.

Definitely a minority interest programme. But incredibly, the Caravan Club boasts more than a million members and has a turnover of £105million a year.

And for reasons that escape me, when episode two rolls onto the screen I’ll be reluctantly watching. And kind of enjoying it. Middle England at play. Caravanner Of The Year, BBC2, Wednesday, 8pm. Be there.