Another romantic week in Geordie Shore's house of horror as Scotty T took his blossoming relationship with Chantelle to the next low level.

The couple from hell spent the night in the elegantly named Shag Pad but as morning dawned stylish Chantelle insisted she had remained chaste. Nothing happened. Well, almost nothing.

“I mean I seen his willy,” she conceded. “But I didn’t touch it.” Short pause. “OK, I did touch it.”

Nevertheless, Scotty has yet to have his wicked way. But as we left them at the end of an emotionally charged episode, MTV’s answer to Casanova vowed: “Hopefully, tonight’s the night when I f***ing bury me dog in her.” Always sad when a pet dies.

But, crazed by jealousy, Chloe is determined to spoil this developing love story. During a lively evening’s clubbing she took a rare break from simulating sex with the furniture to simulate sex with Chantelle.

“There’s only one way to stop Scott and Chantelle necking on,” she explained. “And that’s if Chantelle gets with someone else… me.” A cunning plan that an impressed Gaz hailed as “genius”.

The Sapphic action enraged Scotty because he’d been planning to make Chantelle his – drum roll – girlfriend. The rest of the lads couldn’t believe that Tyneside’s top commitaphobe had dropped the “g-bomb”.

Promising that he would never stray with Chloe, our smitten hero revealed: “I’d rather neck on with a f***ing raccoon.” On Planet Scotty that was like putting a ring on Chantelle’s finger.

Meanwhile, helium-voiced Aaron proudly announced: “I found a blonde bird with massive t*ts. Perfect. She’s the type of girl I’d take home to me mum.” Instead, he took her to the Shag Pad where they bonked at breakneck speed.

Is pneumatic drill sex a Newcastle thing? Or is it exclusive to Geordie Shore? Maybe someone should tell them how to do it properly.

In other torrid news… the ever rampant Chloe also got hot and heavy with Charlotte the harlot in a series of steamy romps that, according to Holly, made them look like “slags”.

“You can talk!” stormed Charlotte. “You’ve f***ing shagged everyone in the house.” The truth hurts. So much so that devastated Holly packed her bags and sensationally quit the show.

Convinced that her close friendship with Charlotte had been irreparably damaged, she sobbed: “I’m leaving now and I don’t know if I’m ever coming back.”

This time next year Holly will have probably won I’m A Celeb and joined Loose Women. Only joking. As if that could ever happen.