By Angela McCluskey

The Tumble ( oops The Fall)

What happened? Did l have a memory lapse and wake up 14 years before The Fall was even thought of? Did the scriptwriter sink into a silent coma and wake up sprouting hospital War commands?

“You on blood. You on needles. You on bandages. You on nappies. And you on that f***ing thing that's syphons the stuff out their dead mouth. Because let's face it, he was half way up the bright white tunnel with mammy shouting loudly: "Come on son ... Come on … Sure, you’re on the guest list ... Now hurry up … It's a great crack here the pubs never shut.”

But wait, the call of his quite frankly daft sounding, loud daughter Livvy: “Daddy, daddy come back to me - even though I look like a mini version of all the women your killing you murdering bastard- Daddy come back ... Please don't leave"

So there we find ourselves in a hospital (obviously lit by a Swedish techy just off the set of Wallander) with him tied by tubes to the very designer looking bed. I couldn't help it but there wasn't a second I didn't expect him to roar screaming out of those hundreds of tubes and strangle the nurse leaning over him whispering like he was her beautiful dying husband!

“Paul, Paul open yer eyes. Squeeze my hand. Open yer eyes. That's very good, Paul.” They must have been up all night writing this script!

Anyway so thank f**k we escape from the hospital room finally. No, but wait where do you think we end up ... Right ... In the police office. All Ikea and bendy lamps ... Cause they're high-up cops remember. God love Gillian as I do too but two things- the walk - I love her walk - in fact I practice it from the couch to the kitchen - hard in furry slippers but it's all in the teeny wiggle around her ankle. Anyway, I digress madly, where was l

Yes come on Guys !!! from the bed pan to the frying pan wtf !!!

Goes from bedside baby talk to police procedural pissing contest which is hard as Gilly is up against three fairly dyed in the wool dinosaur cops including the secret drinking lynch who always looks like he's really sorry about something - his eyes are always really weepy. What happened to him? He grew a beard and got a new agent, I think!!

Just hit the third episode I'm sitting in bed in NYC it's raining outside so I'm in for the night so shall watch it all but here's what I'm predicting…

Sally's gonna either treat us to a) three for one murder suicide b) turn out to be a hypnotizing, murdering, sadistic, jealous bunny boiler who sent him out on these missions in the first place - that's why when he loses his memory she has to basically get rid of herself as she knows he's gonna say: “Well it all started when I met this nurse ye see. She helped me through my traumatic childhood and started putting thoughts in my head and made me forget who I was .. Anyway I can't remember anything after her telling me my new name was Paul Spector but if you give me a few years I'm sure it will come back to me! “

Episode 4

She's dead
Kids are dead
Nurse is definitely dead
That annoying cow teenager babysitter is soooo dead!
Lynch stops whining and shaves his beard off and goes back to Line Of Duty 4 to bully people over there.
Gillian lives just. But breaks a heel coming out of the court room, she then comes back to NYC ( I know this is true as I was invited to a dinner party last night in NYC where I live and I elegantly turned down the invitation to stay home and watch The Fall.)
My inviter wrote me this morning to say: “Oh Gillian came to dinner last night I so want you to meet sometime.”

NYC is like that - the last time l went to this ex pat’s for brunch l had just watched the episode where Cody is left dangling dead from a 60ft crane and l arrived at her East Village loft where the door was opened by, yes, you guessed it... Damian Lewis to whom l literally said " Omgggg I thought you were dead"
Damian looked at me kinda unsure whether he should let me in then said: "Well, thankfully it's not real life- your coat?"