A traumatic start to the day at the health spa as dirty Dev woke up in bed with mad Mary. He was mortified. She was thrilled.

“Mary, Mary!” cried the corner shop king of Coronation Street. “I had such a lot to drink.”

Wearing a bath robe and the warm smile of a satisfied woman, Mary replied: “I can’t wait to write a review on Trip Advisor.” The mind boggles.

Back on the cobblestones Sean was back on with Billy, the prevaricating priest whose indecision is final. But with a dreary inevitability, terrible Todd Grimshaw was waiting to swing his relationship wrecking ball.

As Sean excitedly made plans to take his preacher pal on a musicals tour of London, Todd shuffled past and growled: “Morning Vicar.” Torn between two losers, Billy looked dismayed.

The last time Todd ruined someone’s happiness it was Maria after he jumped between the sheets with her not entirely heterosexual partner Marcus. Who, of course, had dated and dumped perennial fall-guy Sean.

You know that a soap romance is going down the drain when they start stressing how strong their bond is. Protesting way too much, Sean gushed: “Me and Billy, we’re rock solid. Back on track. We’re the real deal.” Deal or no deal they’re heading to hell in a handcart.

Over at the world's worst flower shop, toxic Tracy Barlow spotted that illicit love was blooming. As Todd blushed, she squealed: “Have you got the hots for Billy? I mean, he’s fit… I’d have him.” Why not? She’s had all the straight men. Might as well move on to the gays.

Later, emboldened by a few pints and lots of scotch at the Rovers, Todd confronted the cleric of his dreams. “I don’t want to hurt Sean,” he lied. “But this, it’s not going away. And I don’t want it to.” There may be trouble ahead.

An okay if rather predictable plot. But hardly earth-shattering. Sean’s all set to be heartbroken again. Big surprise. So what’s new?

Meanwhile, Bethany went job hunting but ended up at the gym weighing herself. And Gail persuaded David and Kylie to move into the garage conversion where Callum was no longer lying dead in a hole. The Callum thing… make it stop.

Somehow, the golden era of Mike and Ken’s epic feud and wrongly jailed Deirdre’s compelling ordeal behind bars seems a long time ago. What happened to Corrie’s astonishing ability to grip the nation? Why is it inferior to Emmerdale and even worse than EastEnders?

Surely, the producers share our concern that Britain’s greatest television drama is losing its edge. They must know that a sensational storyline is urgently required. So come on… deliver one. Before it’s too late.