What to watch and review this weekend
What to watch and review on September 24 and 25.
SATURDAY
Strictly Come Dancing (BBC1, 6.30pm) The remaining nine minor celebrities strut their stuff and the judges deliver their verdicts. Welcome back powerhouse panellists Len Goodman (his last series), Darcey Bussell, Bruno Tonioli and pantomime villain Craig Revel Horwood. Not forgetting happy hosts Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman, whose cosy comedy routines make Mel and Sue look cutting edge.
The X Factor (ITV, 8pm) A gladiatorial bloodbath as the wannabes are thrown to the baying crowd in the notorious six chair challenge. Like cruel gods, judges Louis, Simon, Sharon and Nicole pick the wannabes they want in their final sex… and then ruthlessly kick them out when someone better comes along. The singers perform for the first time before a live audience. If the chairs are taken, it’s standing room only and they’re going home. Stand by for high contrived drama as the rejects burst into floods of tears because their pipedreams of stardom just imploded. Nasty but hilarious.
Newzoids (ITV, 9.50pm) Unrecognisable puppets, lousy mimicry, unfunny script. Apart from that this searing satire of our times is a riot. TV celebrities, royals, sports stars… see if you can guess who the impressions are supposed to be. It’s not easy.
SUNDAY
The X Factor (ITV, 7pm) A second slice of Simon Cowell’s circus of cruelty as more of the poor sap hopefuls step into the bear pit they call the Six Chair Challenge.
Poldark (BBC1, 9pm) Topless tin miner Ross makes a deal with criminal who wants to turn Nampara Cove into a safe haven for smuggling. Naturally, Demelza doesn’t approve. Is it just me, or has our Cornish hero gone off the boil a bit?
Victoria (ITV, 9pm) Firmly establishing itself as the nation’s new favourite Sunday night drama, the lavish royal saga continues as the diminutive Queen and Prince Albert shag like rabbits. But he wants children and an important public role. So he takes up the anti-slavery cause. Which is nice.
Celebrity Island (Channel 4, 9pm) Our thanks to intrepid TV adventurer Bear Grylls for treating us to the most absurd programme currently disgracing the screen. Squabbling C-listers struggle to survive on a deserted island. Big name castaways include selfie queen Karen Danczuk, Made In Chelsea bozo Ollie Locke and TOWIE legend Lydia Bright who provides great drama by getting injured in a fishing accident. Meanwhile, everybody hates Dom Jolly because he’s extraordinarily lazy. When he catches Dom sleeping, Mark Jenkins organises a mass protest. Mark Jenkins? No, me neither…