Coronation Street (7.30 and 8.30pm) The seedy sexual grooming of unsweet 16 year-old Bethany continues apace in one of the creepiest ever plotlines to disgrace a soap. Not forgetting the stupefying cocaine nonsense involving rubbish drugs mule Rosie Webster and awful Adam – aka Jock Barlow. What’s happened to Weatherfield?

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EastEnders (BBC1, 8pm) An environmental health inspector arrives at the Queen Vic. Big deal. In other news, loony landlord Mick Carter’s pub carries on with its pathetic theme nights. Next up… Polish night. Even more mystifying than Swedish night.

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Piers Morgan’s Life Stories (ITV, 9pm) Boy George looks back on his 30 year-career and his various scandals. Including his shocking descent into heroin addiction. Almost as traumatic as his stint as a judge on The Voice.

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Celebrity Carry On Barging (Channel 5, 9pm) Week two of the slow but strangely compelling canal trip featuring odd couple Simon Callow and Lorraine Chase on one boat and even odder couple Nigel Havers and Debbie McGee on another. Tonight Lorraine falls in the water. Cool.

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