What to watch and review this weekend: May 13 and 14.
Doctor Who (BBC1, 7.15pm) In episode five of Peter Capaldi’s swan-song the Doc, Bill and Nardole answer a distress call and run into a severe deep space oxygen shortage. Breath-taking stuff. Literally. How’s this series shaping up? Is it any good? Or is it – as usual – a load of old confusing claptrap? You decide.
Britain’s Got Talent (ITV, 8pm) The aggressive viewing choice for people who really hate Eurovision. In an even more meaningless competition, Simon Cowell and his sidekick judges cast their know-nothing eyes over the latest bunch of deluded losers who think they’re heading for stardom. We’ve got bad news for them.
Eurovision Song Contest: Grand Final (BBC1, 8pm) As the remaining nations out of 42 hopefuls sing for glory in Ukraine’s capital Kiev, who will come last? Put your money on the UK. With her terrible song Never Give Up On You, X Factor reject Lucie Jones stands no chance whatsoever of winning. As always, the eastern block nations will vote against Britain because they hate us… but this year, in a thrilling new political twist, Germany, France and the gang will give us short shrift thanks to Brexit. Hot favourite for the crown is some Italian dweeb who gyrates around next to an ape. What’s not to like? Three hours and twenty five minutes of mindless music, camp costumes and international strife.
The British Academy Television Awards (BBC1, 8pm) Hosted by Sue Perkins at London’s Royal Festival Hall, this is the biggest night of the TV year. Up for personal honours are the likes of Ant, Dec, Benedict Cumberbatch, Claire Foy, Sarah Lancashire and Olivia Colman. Nominated programmes in contention include The Crown, Planet Earth II and The Real Marigold Hotel. Not forgetting – of course – Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway.
The Durrells (ITV, 8pm) More Corfu capers with the British ex pat family that spawned renowned author Lawrence Durrell and his celebrated naturalist brother Gerald. Tonight, Aunt Hermione comes to stay with her psychic chum Mrs Haddock, who claims she can feel the presence of Louisa’s (Keeley Hawes) late husband. Yeah right. Mrs Haddock seems kinda fishy.
The Island With Bear Grylls (Channel 4, 9pm) Otherwise known as The Island With Bear Grylls Not On It, the survival test reaches the traditional stage when the intrepid adventurers are provided with a caiman crocodile to kill. After they’ve eaten the poor croc, Bear usually sends in a few farm animals to be slaughtered for the cameras. Something to look forward to. Is anyone still falling for it? Or have you had a gutful of this orchestrated animal cruelty?
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