Impossible: slightly less boring than making concrete

Time to read
2 minutes
Read so far

Impossible: slightly less boring than making concrete

January 11, 2017 - 11:34
Posted in:
0 reader reviews
Average: 2.3 (7 votes)
Rate this programme

Brrr! It’s January, which usually means deep depression, diets, detox and the obligatory new daytime game show on the BBC. Yawn. Yes it’s Impossible, which is impossibly dull.

Impossible

By Phil Jones @PhilLlwynog

Mix cement and sand. Prepare your dry mix by mixing the cement mix and sand. There are a few common mixtures and methods for concrete preparation. Option 1: A basic mixture for mortar (not concrete) is made using a 1:2:3 ratio of water to cement to sand by volume.

Above is how to make concrete. You may find it slightly less of a boring read than the following review.

Brrr! It’s January, which usually means deep depression, diets, detox and the obligatory new daytime game show on the BBC. Yawn. Yes it’s Impossible, which is impossibly dull.

The basic premise is simple. 30 ‘ordinary members of the public’ try and avoid the Impossible answer. You know the sort of contestants, the sort that always crop up on duff day time quiz shows. I have a theory that the BBC ‘store’ them in huge vats of formaldehyde, in a cold warehouse just outside Watford, thaw them out occasionally, for day time quiz shows, and singing contests, dress them up in hilarious 1980’s fashion, cattle prod them into the nearest TV studio, and hold them by gunpoint to smile inanely, answer questions, and laugh at the hosts bad jokes.

These contestants have to avoid choosing ‘the impossible’ answer from a choice of three, over what seems like about 300 round of typically insipid questions.

As I reached for a razor blade, and a bottle of sleeping tablets, the contestants are eventually whittled down to three, and then a looser, sorry a winner is crowned. The winner gets ten grand all in pound coins, so they need really big pockets! Thankfully today’s winner was a right clown and had to name Bond films starring Roger Moore to win the cash, (and access to the BBC’s vending machine). Apt that they chose Roger, the most boring Bond of all.

Hosted by Rick Edwards, (last seen introducing the Paralympics, before politely being asked to leave) he seems to have the personality of man selling his brother in laws second hand cardigans on eBay. He’s so boring, I started watching raindrops dripping down the window, imagining them to be the tears of Aphrodite when Cronus cut off Uranus's genitals and threw them into the sea. So bored I was that I started googling boring things, such as dry paint, planks and shades of beige.

I came across a poll of what the British public consider to be the most boring things, and there he was, in tenth place, just behind Train Delays and Shopping Channels!

1. Party Political broadcasts 50.90%
2. Being kept on hold 45.95%
3. Queuing in the post office 44.45%
4. Traffic jams 42.90%
5. Shopping channels 42.65%
6. Doctor waiting rooms 37.30%
7. Slow Wi-Fi 34.35%
8. Waiting for a delivery 33.60%
9. Train delays 32.30%
10. Rick Edwards 31.30%

The ‘winner’ with the enormous pockets walked off with ten grand, and was last seen on CCTV being mugged outside a tube station. I wouldn’t highly recommend Impossible for your day time TV schedule, but it’s marginally more exciting than watching paint dry, or a Damian Hirst exhibition entitled 'The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living' . Pointless this isn’t, but pointless it is.