Pretend doctor in the house! Slithering into Celebrity Big Brother's cesspit of doom, wizened Gillian McKeith achieved the impossible. She actually lowered the tone.

Watching this weird little woman sifting through C-lister excrement was a viewing experience not to remember. Toilet TV. Yay.

Obviously, unhealthy-looking “Dr” McKeith was there as an alleged lifestyle expert... and not a fahion guru. She dresses like an overgrown child in a nightmare fairytale. That bizarre black smock covered in dayglow flowers. WTF?

As droning Gillian dispensed her silly psycho-babble advice (which they all sensibly ignored), Darren Day snarled: “I've had enough of this bollocks.” I'm warming to him.

Sadly, the tedious unmerry-go round starring Stephanie and her cheated-upon boyfriend forgot won't stop spinning.

“You'll never work again,” said Daniella Westbrook, whose own agent is not exactly the world's busiest person.

Incredibly, the runaway favourite to win is gun-lovin' Tiffany, for whom reports of David Gest's death were somewhat exaggerated.

This extraordinary series has been a smash hit for Channel 5. Who needs taste and decorum when you're packing 'em in?