My Favourite Lines

Coronation Street… and the increasingly pointless Todd Grimshaw declares: “I’m not going to be in Weatherfield forever.” Agreed. Unless the clueless florist lands a decent storyline soon his days are numbered.

The Yorkshire Vet… and castration expert Julian Norton recalls making a meal of a bull’s recently removed testicles: “They looked reasonably appetising. I had them with new potatoes and cauliflower.” Delicious.

TV gold… Sky Atlantic’s in-tents new comedy Camping. ITV’s intense killer thriller Marcella. Suranne Jones on Scott & Bailey. Christopher Ecclestone on The A Word.

TV dross… ITV’s horrible Saturday night game show Bang On The Money. The ludicrous number of foreigners on ITV’s inaccurately named Britain’s Got Talent. BBC1’s ridiculously right-on Undercover.