Coronation Street: a ludicrous game of disaster dominoes

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Coronation Street: a ludicrous game of disaster dominoes

May 27, 2016 - 10:02
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After causing a chain reaction of catastrophic carnage, crazy Carla decided to quit the cobblestones for the good of the long-suffering community. Her reign of error was over.

Carla crashes out of Coronation Street

After causing a chain reaction of catastrophic carnage, crazy Carla decided to quit the cobblestones for the good of the long-suffering community. Her reign of error was over.

As the dust settled on the trail of devastation she’d left behind, the sobbing factory boss embarked on an orgy of self-blame. Everything bad that ever happened… it was her fault. She wasn’t worthy to live among the perfect people of wonderful Weatherfield.

Amid the mother of all guilt trips, Calamity Carla had made up her mind. She was heading into the big wide world beyond the bridge of no return at the end of Coronation Street. Where most of the agoraphobic locals fear to tread.

Luckily, she didn’t kill Cathy, Tyrone and Fiz. Luckily, when the cops breathalysed her she passed the test. Luckily, she was single again after a marriage that lasted for a blissfully happy half hour. She was free to go.

It’s still not clear why furrow-browed Nick forgave his errant bride before their wedding from hell in The Bistro… and then un-forgave her moments after tying the knot. A classic case of leaving the traditional last minute hitch a little too late.

And as for that ludicrous game of disaster dominoes triggered by Carla’s unconvincing headlong drive at Tracy, it looked like a slapstick sequence straight out of a Carry On comedy. Car crash TV. So contrived it was accidentally hilarious.

But, hey, this is Soapland. What do you expect? Realism? And this is ITV’s biggest week of the year when, sandwiched between Britain’s Got Talent’s nightly spectaculars, Corrie is supposed to deliver blockbuster episodes. Something had to happen.

And so it was that with his shoe jammed beneath the brakes, Tyrone careered into Gail’s bedroom and destroyed not only the wall, but also the floor. Under which lay the decomposing body of un-dearly departed Callum. A clapped-out storyline back from beyond the grave.

Bad news for David Platt who told his whimpering partners in murderous crime Kylie and Sarah: “Get it into your heads, right, that’s it. Were finished, right. We’re history.” Right.

In a fiendishly clever plan, Dave borrowed his brother’s honeymoon tickets and announced that they were fleeing to Paris. What could possibly go wrong? Interpol? Never heard of it.

Meanwhile, Eileen Grimshaw couldn’t resist speculating about the identity of the mystery body. “Probably one of Gail’s many husbands,” she said. “How does it go? Divorced, buried under the bed, divorced, died, divorced...”

Talking of divorce, toxic Tracy Barlow got her comeuppance as shagging chef Robert realised yet again that she was rotten to the core and dumped her. Yet again. “I’d say have a nice life,” he snarled. “But I know you won’t.”

Then Tracy was ditched by her daughter Amy who squealed: “I’ve seen good mums. And you’re not one of them. You’re nasty, you’re lazy and you always put yourself first.” Her case duly stated, the kid stormed off to live with her dad.

It wasn’t Tracy’s day. The cartoon baddie gets her just desserts. All part of the fun. It happens to her every few months.

But back to Carla and her frantic flurry of farewell scenes. To the hospital to say goodbye to an unimpressed Roy. To the flower shop for a final showdown with her sworn enemy Tracy. “We’re done,” she sighed.

And to the bridge, where Roy arrived on a bus and unwisely advised her not to change. “You are who you are,” he said. “Don’t lose that.” Yeah, stay as you are Carla… a hard-drinking gambling addict who hates herself.

For a turbulent decade Carla Connor has been a pivotal character at the centre of most of the best action. The Street won’t be the same without her. She will be sorely missed.

Climbing into Johnny’s Jag, Corrie’s wicked lady waved goodbye to outmoded Underworld, 1970s style pub The Rovers and a bunch of bickering losers that time forgot. Paradise lost.

There are 10 Comments

LeceWoody's picture

Sure, the Carla saga was a bit drawn-out, over-hyped and slightly preposterous, but overall, I have loved this week's dramas. The 'how will be the body be discovered' tension played out well, and I already have my own theories as to how this will end up, especially with the departures of Kylie and frown-a-brow Jason.

PhilipStar's picture

Corrie will be back to its normal dill self of hardly any viewers, At least until the new producer does the work she or he needs to do. That's if the viewers would actually bother to tune back in.

Kevin O'Sullivan's picture

Corrie is still often the most watched programme on TV. "Hardly any viewers"? Hardly. The new series producer is a she. Her name is Kate Oates.

PhilipStar's picture

I am not really a fan of soaps through, They on way too often and don't have time to watch them. Maybe if they were on just once a week I may think about itm

Kevin O'Sullivan's picture

Phil, great though it is to receive your extremely brief comments, it's reviews we're after. Watch programmes and review them. Be a critic. That's the idea.

@thecobrasconk's picture

Anyone who watches Coronation Street regularly will surely acknowledge that the soap has been on the slide for some time. Pointless characters, ludicrous storylines, lack of continuity etc. The list just goes on. Furthermore, any prospect of the good ship being turned away from the rocks by a new producer already seem to be dashed. Sadly, this week, the street plumbed new depths of despair, to the extent that the soap has now become unwatchable.

A soap land wedding only means one thing - OTT drama. There's no such thing as an uneventful wedding anymore and Nick and Carla's soirée was no exception. Tracy Barlow is the world's most successful kidney transplant patient ever. How she's never featured as a case study in the lancet is beyond me. She's also now a chacarture of a pantomime villain and as expected was the root cause of will Carla/Nick get married. During the wedding itself, the marriage was off and on more times than a porn star's underwear. By the time Nick had decided not To get hitched, most viewers had either switched off and were laughing themselves to sleep at the sheer absurdity of a man who changed his mind more times than a politician.

The best/worst however was yet to come. The elaborate crash on the cobbles reminded me of a badly staged prank on you've been framed. Roy's latest squeeze was run over and Ty and Fizz managed to end up crashing through Gail's extension (no pun intended). Sadly, it would seem that the builder of said extension was probably deaf and when Gail said she wanted a new floor, he misheard and thought she wanted a trap door. How else could a tow truck possible fall through several feet of concrete? There seemed to be 2 inches of concrete laid over a giant hole on the ground, in which another pantomime villain was buried. When Ty's van rolled in, it went through the floor like a hot knife through warm butter and created a canyon so big, not even Evel Knievel could have jumped over it. Not only that but the tonnes of concrete that buried Callum had mysteriously melted away. At this point, I gave up. This was meant to be a big week for the street but it was beyond contempt.

It's time for coronation street to get its house in order. It may well be the economic powerhouse of the north, with 100% employment, more businesses per square feet than Oxford St and an average commute to work of 2 minutes (on a bad day) but it's going to the dogs.

Kevin O'Sullivan's picture

Great review. Totally agree about the floor. They can't even be bothered to make this storyline hang together. Callum, we were lead to believe, was buried in concrete. Now we find out they just chucked him in a hole. The writers are making it up as they go along. Why did Nick forgive Carla and go ahead with the wedding... only to un-forgive her straight after tying the knot? The new boss Kate Oates has a lot of work to do.

mansellmum's picture

Was really looking forward to this week of Corrie, what a let down, alright fair enough it did buck up a bit the last two nights but what a disappointment.

Found the wedding pretty boring, I do, I don't, I do, I don't etc yawn. Then the usual fixture Tracey storming in to ruin the nuptials for a change.

Carla's final scene was a bit of a damp squid, think her character deserved much better. At one point I thought that she was going to walk hand in hand off into the sunset with Roy. At least that would have been funny, instead she just drove off with her newly found Father.

Outside the house of death, Kylie and Sarah both started crying before a body was even mentioned, didn't this arouse suspicion in anyone? Would they have honestly let Tim just run to the house and come straight back saying they have found a body and let him tell everyone in the street? Is Cathy the happiest and most forgiving person in the whole world and finally really find it hard to believe that Roy would be on the verge of marrying someone else so quickly after losing his soulmate Hayley.

Glad Calum has been found, maybe the street will liven up a bit now as they try and find out what happened to him, even though I have a good idea where this might all be heading, here's hoping.

I'm guessing East Enders will do quite well in the Soap awards later on tonight.

GeordieArmani's picture

Love it, have watched it for years and years, its part of life to many these days. The recent story line in true Corrie fashion has been a bit far fetched but isn't that why we love it!! real people don't live their lives like this. Best comment this week was from David when the police came to take in for interview, "what do you want to talk to me about?" erhh dead body in your house, father of your step son, ex of your Missus!! you can't beat it. Shall miss Carla as a character though, loved her feistyness. GA

450alan's picture

Surely it's no great writing skill to have a murder plot every quarter. I remember nearly 20 years from Annie Walker to the death of Alf Roberts where something of that scale was rare. We Brit's are a gossipy nosey race and what we want is the normal day to day bitchiness that punctuates the hum drum existence. The writers should look at the documentaries of life on the dole to draw some characters and then test their writing ability to flesh them out. Instead we get lazy serial killers, explosions and criminal acts even the Gaza strip cant compete with. what we need are new duckworths, battersbys, squatters in emilys house and romany travellers occupying a newly discovered car park at nick's bistro. in the meantime i'm going to fast forward to the last 15 minutes of die hard and write the Christmas corrie plot.