Celebrity First Dates: Another hashtag awkward scene

Time to read
3 minutes
Read so far

Celebrity First Dates: Another hashtag awkward scene

July 09, 2016 - 15:29
Posted in:
0 reader reviews
No votes yet
Rate this programme

Great news for personal trainer Tom as he sat down for dinner with Essex girl Jessica Wright and she declared: “I hate personal trainers.”

Celebrity First Dates

Great news for personal trainer Tom as he sat down for dinner with Essex girl Jessica Wright and she declared: “I hate personal trainers.”

Nevertheless, despite the rocky start, the couple got on famously. Until he sensationally revealed: “I’m really interested in like canals.” Jess: “What, like canals?” Yep, he like likes canals.

Unbowed by her lack of enthusiasm, tenacious Tom continued: “I can show you a canal boat.” Jess: “We can walk past one on the way to somewhere fun.” Translation: “I’m a celebrity… get me out of here.” Ms Wright’s search for Mr Right continues.

Another hashtag awkward scene from Channel 4’s often sweet but occasionally excruciating Celebrity First Dates in which minor stars went looking for romance with lovelorn civilians and you just knew it was never going to work out.

Which brings us to Richard Blackwood who actually said: “Once you do EastEnders the next big thing after that can only be Hollywood.” Really? Good luck with that. So Albert Square is the gateway to Tinseltown. Who knew?

Sadly, while Richard modestly established his top flight showbiz credentials, across the table, 36 year-old public relations executive Diana had no idea who he was. He’s known to millions as Walford gangster Vincent… but he’s not known at all by Diana.

As he talked about his specialist subject – himself - at considerable length, he called her Daniella. That’s how to make a lady feel special… forget her name. She wasn’t impressed.

Strangely, recalling his lowest moments, Mr Blackwood made no mention of Celebrity Detox Camp, one of the lowest moments in television history. In which our hapless hero was filmed having the contents of his bowels removed by colonic irrigation. Sh*t to watch. Literally. That’s entertainment.

Instead, he shuddered at the effect going bankrupt had on his ability to land a job. “Doesn’t mean I’m not talented,” he insisted. At least he always had his talent.

“When I wasn’t successful,” he added. “Naturally, women didn’t see anything to be attracted to. It was yeah, you might have the looks but I’ve got more money than you right now.” At least he always had his looks.

Incredibly, even though he’s triumphantly successful these days (obv!), Richard failed to work his magic. By now only too well aware that she was in the presence of a legendary figure, Diana told him to take a hike.

“I don’t fancy you,” she announced. “Not in that way.” Translation: “I’m not a celebrity… get me out of here.”

Meanwhile, senior citizen John, 68, was at the bar anxiously waiting. “I’m really looking forward to seeing who my date is,” he said. “I hope it’s not a disaster.” Enter Esther Rantzen. That’s life.

She too wasn’t setting her sights high. “The worst thing that could happen is whoever it is sees it’s me and runs,” she sighed. “It has happened.” Make your own jokes.

But here’s to Esther for coming up with the lonely-heart quote of the night: “I’ve got plenty of people to do something with, but no one to do nothing with.” When she tearfully remembered her late husband Desmond Wilcox it was genuinely moving.

At 75, Esther’s retains the dream of finding a new guy to share her life with. But would it be Irish charmer John? Possibly. But then he went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like “a woman of your advanced years” and calling her “Dear”. Oh dear. She wasn’t happy about that.

In other news… Paralympic table tennis ace Will Bayley was described by paediatric nurse Jessica as “a real life Forrest Gump”. But still they agreed to see each other again.

And, back with the other Jessica, cue the tumbleweed as she outlined her high-profile career. “I was in a TV show,” she explained. “It’s called TOWIE.” Tom: “I’ve heard of it but I haven’t actually watched it.” Good decision.

Casting maître d Fred Sirieix as “the Ross Kemp of love” (eh?) it’s disappointing to see the excellent First Dates trundling down the celebrity route. But it’s also inevitable. And this was by no means the worst show you’ll ever see. That was Top Gear with Chris Evans.

Next week (extremely) Ordinary Boy Preston tells his confused companion: “I was on Big Brother ten years ago.” To which she responds: “I’m not very good with famous people.” So what’s the problem?