By Andy Simon

Here we go again; Lord (Super Bully) Sugar is back with his "Bored Room" Corporate Business version of The X Factor.

Yawn!

Don't get me wrong here, 11 years ago, this hardnosed business show was indeed interesting. It allowed Non-Entrepreneurs like me a glimpse into a world that I already knew from my own experiences was indeed; pretty ruthless.

But like many of us, I didn't know just how ruthless; it can be.

In the early years, Lord Sugar (or Sir Alan, as he was known then) never tried to hide how tough his empire was. And for those who made it, they indeed were; well deserving winners.

But now 12 years later, it's become incredibly boring. In fact; I don't know how his lordship has got the nerve to still call it The Apprentice, as it has nothing whatsoever to do with apprenticeships at all!

It does however have everything to do with putting the candidates down (mind you; some of them deserve it) through tasks that his lordship and his cohorts Claude Littner & Karen Brady wouldn't be able to complete in a million years.

And it doesn't stop there.

After the gruelling task is complete regardless of the results produced by both teams, Lord Sugar; like a true boss, starts using his one line put downs, his well rehearsed, "Give Me Strength" facial expressions and humiliating summaries, of individual candidates, their performance, ability, personality or whatever else about the candidate that's got up his arrogant, self opinionated, and self righteous nose.

And if that is not bad enough, you have on screen left; Baroness Karen Brady, who looks down her nose at the candidates like they are something the cleaner forgot to remove from the carpet.

And then on screen right, Claude Littner, a once formidable and menacing presence in the 'Interviews' episodes, now reduced to nothing more than Lord Sugar's version of Toy Story's Mr Potato Head, with a personality bypass.

It was so much better with Nik Hewer & Margaret Mountford. Now that's what you call "Scary"

So there you have it; Baroness Snobby on the left, Mr Potato Head on the right, and a bullying money obsessed Pier in the middle.

Sounds like fun? Not for the candidates it isn't; and not for this viewer either. And speaking of the candidates or should I say more accurately; the Victims . . .

In last night's first episode, the usual bunch of unlucky losers carefully chosen I might add for their egotistically eccentric, agonizingly annoying, tiredlessly tedious, ridiculously random and cringeworthy phony personalities, tried to pull off their own version of what looked like BBC's Bargain Hunt. Ugh!

I can't stand Bargain Hunt myself. But after watching last night's Apprentice, Bargain Hunt for me at least, now shines brightly in a whole new light. And as the task played out, Baroness Snobby looked completely bored.

Come to think of it, so was I.

Mr Potato Head (Claude) at one point looked like he hadn't had a bath in years. He made me look like Brad Pitt on Oscars Night. And if you have seen my Profile pic, you'll know; that's saying something.

Anyway; the candidates managed (mostly through blind luck) to complete the task ending up with cash in their pockets. In fact there wasn't much in it by the time the sums were done and the amounts were announced. Team Nebula (the Girls) lost.

And after a brief period of staged bitching by the three shortlisted victims, followed by Mr Potato Head's blank expressions, Baroness Snobby's disapproving glances and Lord Bully's put-downs, Michelle Niziol (Team Nebula) became the first to be fired.

She's lucky; she gets to leave early. Some of us however will have to endure the next ten weeks with mind numbing boredom.

Thankfully I will not be one of these. Like I said earlier; this show was great telly ten years ago but now, it's boring, it's dull, it's predictable, it's staged, and it has Lord Sugar, who's ageing face keeps on reminding me to go to Tesco's and buy a new toilet brush.

I shall probably watch The Apprentice again come episode ten (The Interviews) because up until then, just like that old music hall song "I'm Henry the Eighth" , the second and subsequent verses; are just the same as the first.

The format for this show has not changed, nor will it change. In fact, if the BBC repeated last year's series, I bet some of you wouldn't notice?

I know I wouldn't.

The 12th series of The Apprentice continues next Thursday on BBC1 at 9pm. Watch it if you must.

I'm off to buy a new toilet brush. (Hello Alan)

Thanks for reading.

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